Dirty Love Letters, A Contest
by R.G. Alexander on Feb 11th, 2011 leave a response

RG The Smutty V-Day Cupid: We celebrate love of one variety or another every day here on Smutketeers, so you knew we would jump at any excuse. Valentine’s Day gives one to us in a shiny, heart-shaped box of goodness way.

As you all know, the word Valentine comes from the latin for 1. “to diddle” 2. “to eat chocolate while naked” or 3. “To eat chocolate off of someone naked before you diddle”  Saint ToDiddle, who later changed his name so as not to be confused with The Patron Saint of Art, ToDoodle, taught the world that love is really all we need. He showed the people of his day by example using jell-o and a form of dance very similar in style to the electric slide. There is also a little known tradition that marks this day–the precursor of the 3 am booty call and the short, no foreplay form of sexting–the dirty love letter.

This is the tradition we honor here today in our Dirty Love Letter Contest.  All weekend long, we want to spread the love. The dirty love (just a little dirty) Read the blog, then post your own mini love letter to any one of the heroes written by us: Crystal Jordan, Lilli Feisty, Eden Bradley/Eve Berlin, Karen Erickson and R.G. Alexander. (on the off chance you haven’t read any of us…you can make something up, we don’t handle rejection well lol)

The winner, who we’ll announce on Tuesday, will receive this beautiful steampunky necklace:

Here-we’ll start you out :)

Dear Trevor,

I think you’re overlooked when it comes to my lineup of heroes and I want to rectify that by focusing on you today. Not that I feel sorry for you, oh no. You are a man who knows how to hold your own. Cocky and confident and sexy and dominant (I’m a poet!), the ladies and the men don’t stand a chance.

But your heart belongs to Scarlett. You’ll do anything to make her happy—and to make her yours. Did I mention how sexy I think that is?

Yes, my dearest Trevor, I think you’re very, very sexy. But ssh, don’t tell Scarlett. She might kick my ass.

Love & kisses,


Tangled can be found at Samhain, Amazon and Barnes & Noble

My darling Ever,
Dare I say it…? You are my favorite vampire (don’t tell Aleron and the rest-it’ll be our little secret). There’s something about the way your long blond hair falls around your shoulders when you let it loose. The way your mouth turns dark red, your black eyes glittering, when you’re turned on. I feel that banked power-the danger of it-when you’re aroused. And you’re always aroused, aren’t you? A girl’s dream-lover. Dangerous and sensual and ever-lasting…ever and ever…My Ever, except that you always want to be shared. But for you, I’m willing. Especially since you share with Aleron, Calam, Konstantine, Luka…*shiver*
Everlasting kisses,

can be found at Samhain, Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

But then there’s Alec…
Dear Alec,
Um…sir…I didn’t know when I wrote PLEASURE’S EDGE that I’d fall so hard for a Dom of my own creation. But that just means you’re the perfect dominant for me, doesn’t it? I adore every hulking muscle, how you love the thrill of your motorcycles as much as any thrill in bed or at the dungeons. And the way you spank…oh, yes, you have the hardest hands, the most rigid command-until you lose it all in a rush of desire that turns you into something primal, and all control is gone. *sigh*

Pleasure’s Edge is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Borders.


Dearest Kesuk,

Though I realize that Jain would probably kill me for writing a love letter to you, I have to confess that you’ll always be my favorite. You were my first shapeshifter hero, and you never really forget your first, do you?

Not only were you the first shifter I ever wrote, but you were also the story that got me into a New York publishing house. For that alone, you have my undying adoration. But how can I forget the way you started me down this road to shifter depravity? I was shocked when you insisted on having anal sex with your heroine against the side of a mountain. Little did I know that this was only the beginning and such exploits would seem tame as I continued writing smutty shifters. I had no idea then that I would one day write threesomes and foursomes of every imaginable gender combination.

Yes, Kesuk, I owe it all to you for starting me down this slippery slope of filth and naughtiness. Thank you.

All My Love,

In Ice can be found in Sexy Beast V at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Borders.

Dear Bone Daddy,

I love Damon from Lifting the Veil because he was my first love, my first hero.  Lux from Lux in Shadow because he was tortured. Saint…well because he was a f&*#ing demon :)…but you…you top them all. You snuck into my mind and tricked me. I thought you were just a sexual creature, something to be enjoyed but never understood. And you were sexy, but you were so much more. Funny, complicated, trouble making in the best kind of way. You took me places I’d never imagined going…and you made me love it.

I know I could never compete with Bethany in your heart. After all, you’ve loved her for lifetimes. But I will still look for you, look into those glowing amber eyes and wish, secretly, that I could be the one to say, “I want you Bone Daddy.”  Because…and don’t tell my husband…I do.

Yours in lust,


Possess Me is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Borders.

ADDITION!! We have a winner of the necklace-DANA M

However, due to her incredibly thorough and beautifully written love letters to so many of the Smutketeers heroes…we had to add a little prize for 2nd place to ******* IVELISSE!!!

Enthusiasm definitely counts :)

Congratulations to both of you!!

46 comments to “Dirty Love Letters, A Contest”

  1. 1

    So I guess I’m first….

    Dear Tyghe,

    Your smart, sexy, dangerous, and fiesty….but underneath all that is a sensitive man that loves Callie, but you hide it away by playing tricks and annoying her because you don’t think you can live up to her hero worship of your brother. But don’t forget….you got her first and she let you so never think your second best! I would take you any day over Tucker!

    Love and Kisses,

  2. 2

    Crystal H- Wicked Sexy! I love him too. I’m sure he appreciates that note a lot. And he’s got a unique way of showing his appreciation, doesn’t he? LOL

  3. 3

    Dear Bone Daddy;

    Words cannot express how you have touched my heart, but I will try in this one simple letter. Even though you belong to Bethany, I can’t help but have a special place in my heart for you. No one has ever made me gasp like you do. As you helped Allegra see her true beauty, you have helped me as well. You have inspired me to do all the things I always wanted to do and made me realize no matter how broken I am, I am still beautiful. You are so sensual, giving me that oh so good feeling that travels from the ends of my toes to the tip of my head. I was hoping to see a glimpse of you in New Orleans next year, but alas I will have to wait *sigh*. For now all I can say is Thank You.

    Possessively Yours,


  4. 4

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Patti O'Shea, crystaljordan. crystaljordan said: We're having a dirty Valentine contest on Smutketeers! […]

  5. 5

    Ive-While will you have to wait? Tempt Me is coming out November 11th of this year. AND RT is in NO in 2012 isnt it? We’re planning an official Bone Daddy hunt!

  6. 6

    R.G. – NOVEMBER 11th!!! HELLO that is nine months away lol.
    They announced it on their facebook page that RT 2012 will be in Chicago April 11-15

  7. 7

    ACK! Okay, thats it. I think 2012 is soon enough for a Smutfest in New Orleans. *putting dirty thinking cap on*

  8. 8

    *chanting* Smutfest, Smutfest, Smutfest

    That would be AWESOME!! And where can I get one of those dirty thinking caps

    Kelly and I already said we are not really feelin’ Chicago in April, its cold there that time of year.

  9. 9

    Oh hell yes a smuttfest!!!! We were do sad when we found out it’s in Chicago. :( I’ll make an atempt to write a love letter when I get home. I’m not very poetic so it won’t be pretty! Lol and November is soooooo far away!! But I’m super excited!! Hehe

  10. 10

    Dear Ever;

    Oohh Ever! My favorite vampire, how you stole my heart from just a little taste. I’ve been waiting patiently to see you again. I know the reunion will be well worth the wait and be forever part of me. Till then I will have my dreams to keep me occupied.

    I will go whithersoever you lead.


  11. 11

    Ok, I’m one of the folks who have read you guys….yet….and I am going to rectify that soon.

    I am sure you have given us heroes to swoon over, to drool about and to wish they were ours.

    So, here’s a general love letter to your heroes.

    Dear one,

    You have been born of the pen, you live in the pages and you belong to another. But I have shared your journey, I have learned all about you and I have fallen for you too. I thank your creator for giving you to us…you will haunt my dreams and ihabit my fantasies. Dear one, I wish you a Happy Valentine!

    in Germany

  12. 12

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE these love letters. Can’t help laughing so hard.. That necklace is gorgeous. I want to steal it!

  13. 13

    (For all the heroes, can’t seem to pick one!)

    My Darling,

    We may be apart but you are always near me. I carry you within my heart and the memories to keep me enflamed. I treasure each moment I spend in your arms. The crystals that are your eyes when we make love. The primal heat that is your soul reaching mine. Untamed longings become my trap until I can once again feel your essence next to mine. The images so real I can feel you filling me during the lonely hours of the night. The mornings may be dim. Though, all I have to do is think of your lips and I am warm again.

    May these words fill you with warmth and passion. For my fire will always be banked till you are home once again.

    All of my hope and wishes,

  14. 14

    what Rt isn’t going to be In NO???? but… but I had so wanted to go though I will probably go to it in Chicago but… but I wanted to go on the Bone daddy hunt . SMUTFEST SMUTFEST SMUTFEST !!!!!

  15. 15

    My dearest darling Jack,

    What we shared last night was more than I could ever have hoped for. I know that you and Bettina are trying to make a go of it, but how can you forget what we meant to each other? And you did just come to me and make love to me. Can you just turn that off now that there is a new woman in your life? Was last night just a final memory? I think not. I know what you felt for me when we made love. The look in your eyes screamed more than just passion, it was longing for me and regret for the choice you have made.

    I will always love you and I will respect the decision you have made, but know that my door is always open to you. Even if you have to include Bettina with us, I will accept that because it means I get to taste you, touch you and make love to you. When I touch her, I will be only thinking of you.

    My heart yearns for you and I know one day we will be together forever.

    Eternally yours,
    Marcy xoxox

    (Oh my God, I sound like a crazy stalker!! LOL – Absolutely loved “The Lovers” by Eden Bradley)

  16. 16

    Marcy- Beautifully written :) I loved The Lovers too!

  17. 17

    Oh, you girls are goooooooood!

  18. 18

    This is for Feisty, even though this book isn’t on the intro for these letters i crave more from the deviant chronicles!
    My Dearest Harry,

    I so miss the crack of your whip, the feel of your hands, and the sound of your voice. When will we be together again? My body and my mind have been starving for you, it has been to long please come back I need more of you!

    I beg you, please

  19. 19

    *waves hands in arm jumping up and down*yelling*

  20. 20

    To My Darlings Jacob and Ric,
    When I saw you both tonight at the Triune I knew you were both perfect for me.
    I know your both with Harrison now, but I know how you both felt about her. Remember 1st impressions are always accurate.

    All my love always to you both

  21. 21

    To Harrison,
    You should remember, crazy runs in families. You should leave Jacob and Ric. Run fast, don’t even bother to pack. Run, run now!
    Don’t worry I’ll make sure that I take care of Jacob & Ric.
    Yur BFF

  22. 22

    Dawn-that is one hot love letter!

    Heidi-LMAO! You are very sneaky, trying to lure Harrison away from her guys. I don’t think she’ll buy it, but very nice try!

  23. 23

    WOW!!! Y’all are talented! I can’t think of anything that sounds even 1% as good as those! That being said, I’m not even gonna try! lol My boys (oh yes there are several!) know who they are!

    Love ya!

    Side Note: How funny is it that Ive and I both commented at the exact same time about RT 2012? lol

  24. 24

    R.G. – Thanks for the compliment…really, I’m not a stalker

    Eden – Keep up the great writing, just know one day, Jack will be mine (Insert evil laughter here)

  25. 25

    Wow, you guys are rocking the love letters. Cool!

  26. 26

    This one is for RG

    To my Three flavor delicacies,

    Nate, Louis, and Clay you three are the most decatant morsels any women or man could get their hands, mouths, or any other part of their body on. You have opened up a whole other aspect of cooking for me and I thank you for it. But let me tell you nacho cheese should stay outta certain places :)

  27. 27

    This is for Eden-

    Christian Sir,

    The way you make me feel when I’m under your command is undiscribable. You do things to me with out a touch, your words alone break my surface and send me sailing into a place no one else has every been able to take me. You make me burn for you. Only you can extinguish this flame burning in me.

    Inflames for you- Dawn

  28. 28

    To my favorite sexy Superhero Theta Wave,
    You may have heard my heated thoughts before as I flipped through the pages of your story, always eager for the next sexy scene. No doubt the way I hungered for you could not have gone unnoticed to a man with abilities such as you. Am I mistaken to think that perhaps once or twice I felt your special powers escaping the printed page and caressing my imagination with possibilities just as you did to Cassie?
    She is a lucky woman; you’re big, beautiful buxom Cassie. (This might be a good time to mention that I have my own ample curves to match hers just in case things don’t work out.) You are always there to watch over her but you trust her to be able to save herself. There is nothing sexier than a man who believes in the superpowers of the woman he loves? And how can I not swoon when I think of your tempting telekinetic touch? Of course, you are so delicious I think your physical touch alone would be enough for me not to mention you’re ten inch talent!
    Alas, I will have to admire you from afar. I’d be heartbroken if you and Cassie were no more, so I’ll settle for my fantasies. Of course the fact that I have my own superhero at home helps.
    Much Love and Lust…DanaM

  29. 29

    Dear James Morrow;

    Aye, Captain! My wicked wicked pirate the things you do with pearls and candles are probably considered illegal in many states but feel magnificent, you savvy? If only you were in this time, but alas you are not and belong to Rebecca. Guess I will just have to fantasize with the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie coming out soon *sigh*.

    Ahoy Matey,


  30. 30

    Dear Tyler Nichols;

    There is just something so sexy about a man in glasses, gives you the Superman/Clark Kent feeling. I love that you are a little nerdy and shy and turned out so magnificently drool worthy. I know you have been in love with Julie for like ever but a girl can dream, just know anytime I stay in a luxurious cabin I will think of you and leave the window open in hopes that you hear my passion for you too.


  31. 31

    Dear Harry Marshall;

    I see that Dawn has try to stake a claim to you, well she will have to get in line behind me! Well that is only if Sandine would let me. Just a little taste of how expertly you crack that whip would be enough for my body to convulse with pleasure/pain, sends me into subspace just thinking about it. Hopeful we can meet the rest of the deviants soon.

    Truly yours Sir,

  32. 32

    MY dearest Saint –
    There is so much about you to love from the fact that your a demon to your love of gadgets . Oh the things I could do to you ! but alas you done found you one and only in Ume but that does mean I will quit dreaming of you :)

  33. 33

    Dawn-Christian is one of my favorites, too! THE DARK GARDEN was my first full-length novel, so he holds a special place in my heart. :)
    These letters are awesome-keep ’em coming!

  34. 34

    Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! And I really really wish I could enter this contest! What a beautiful necklace!

  35. 35

    Feisty – I’m with you…I’m totally coveting that necklace!!! It’s beautiful

  36. 36

    Simply stated, Bone Daddy, I have never met you but I think we need to get to know each other. It can be just as friends. No pressure. Besides, I really want that necklace! XOXO

  37. 37

    LOL, Jen B!

  38. 38

    And the WINNER of the beautiful pendant is……
    Dana M!!!!!!!!
    Congrats, Dana!
    To collect your prize, just email RG at:
    Send her your mailing addy and keep your eyes open for the pendant to arrive.
    Thanks to everyone who played-we adored your love letters and your devotion to our darling heroes!
    Stay tuned for more contests, fabulous guest authors and maybe even a few peeks at the costumes we’re creating for the upcoming RT Booklover’s Convention!

  39. 39

    Oh these love letters were so awesome – I loved them! And congrats Dana! Yay!!!!

  40. 40

    Congrats Dana woohoo. Enjoy it as much as I would have lol

  41. 41

    I just love opening up my email and seeing such great news. Thanks for the fun contest, I enjoyed reading the letters and I think Ive deserves honorable mention for the sheer number of love letters she penned…I had a hard time writing just one considering how many yummy heros the smutketeers have created.


  42. 42

    Oh…I just saw Ive got earrings!!!


  43. 43

    @ Dana – I didn’t notice either until R.g. had to point them out to me lol aren’t they beautiful? I love ’em.

  44. 44

    Congrats Dana and :P Ive – lol

  45. 45

    Love you too Dawn

  46. 46


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